food = reward

I’ve been learning a lot doing the Made to Crave Bible Study with Emily.

I’ve definitely had eating issues my whole life. No, I was never bulimic or anorexic or over-exercised or anything; I just started out as kind of a “chubby” kid and learned to find comfort in food. Despite losing the extra pounds as I progressed into puberty and became more active, I always saw that ‘big kid’ in the mirror. Even now, as a phenomenally healthy and active (if I do say so myself) woman pushing 30 (gasp!), I still struggle–so much–with food. After my weight loss last summer, I’ve finally found a peace, if you can call it that, with my body that I’ve never felt before. As a kid, I always thought to myself, “If I was thinner, I’d be happier.” Well, we all know that life doesn’t magically become perfect or anything, and it’s ridiculous to think that something like losing a few pounds can change everything. But, as I tell Andrew, now that I AM thinner, I’m happier, but it isn’t because I weigh less; it’s because I FINALLY met a life-long goal of losing those extra pounds and becoming confident in my body.

Anyway, this isn’t about weight-loss or body issues (but don’t we all have a ton!); this post is about how this Bible study is changing my life, one chapter at a time.

One thing I’ve realized is that I view food as a reward. All the time. For everything. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with going out for ice cream after your team wins the tournament, or celebrating with a nice dinner, but people, I went out for an ice cream sundae to celebrate my weight-loss! Is that not insane? (It WAS good, I can tell you that!)

Anyway, I tend to think of food first when I want to celebrate, or do something fun, or meet up with people, or anything, really. And it goes past just a ‘reward’ sometimes; it becomes something I ‘deserve.’ And it’s not just me. Just the other day, I was at Wegmans to grocery shop–my ‘reward’ after my stats test–and I stopped in the cafe for a coffee. As I deliberated between a regular cup of joe (to which I could add just a bit of cream and sugar and get by with minimal calorie damage), and that “candy bar latte” I’d been eyeing on my past few shopping trips, the lady behind the counter was patient enough to wait for me. I ordered the regular coffee and mused that ‘it wouldn’t be such a calorie bomb, like the latte I was salivating over,’ when the cashier offered to put fewer pumps of flavor in it for me. Realizing what I truly wanted was a “fun” coffee drink, I decided to go ahead with that.

Side note: I actually do that ALL. THE. TIME. So much so, in fact, that Andrew’s sisters think it’s this huge joke and tease me that I always want ” half the pumps” when we go to Starbucks. I just, for some reason, didn’t feel like it that day.

Anyway, back to the story. While the barista was making my drink, I mentioned off-hand that I had just come from school, where I aced a test. She quickly responded, “See? You DESERVE this drink!”

Just hearing those words come out of her mouth gave me a bad taste in mine. Food–especially decadent food–has become such a comfort to us that we feel like we ‘deserve’ it after some arduous task. Or triumph. Or defeat.

Her comment definitely stopped me dead in my tracks and immediately made me think of what I was learning in the study. I need to think of food LESS and God MORE. That’s really all it boils down to, people.

I’ve been learning so much about myself, and in different areas of my life, through this study…more revelations to come.

MUST. CRAVE. GOD.

don’t touch my fridge :)

You know how people always talk about how their leftovers get pushed to the very back of the fridge and then, weeks later, they have science projects to dispose of? (Being in Microbiology right now, I’m getting more than my fair share of disgusting stories and germ information–part fascinating, part gross.)

Anyway, about the fridge. No, I don’t ‘lose’ things in the fridge. EVER. As in, NEVER EVER. Let’s just say the fridge (as I learned when having to share with Heather when she lived with me for a month–love you, dear!), is one of the things I’m pretty OCD about.

It’s my space, you know?

I know where everything is at any point in time. And how much is left. Everything has a spot. There is a spot for everything. If there isn’t room, I make room in the right area. Go ahead, ask me exactly what brand of soy sauce/milk/lime juice, where they are in the fridge and exactly how much is left in the container… I can tell you. Because I’m that weird.

But, again, it’s my thing. I like a tidy fridge. No crumbs, no spills. Everything organized and easy to find. I use good Tupperware or glass containers, preferably see-through and stain-resistant. When we have leftovers, I feel a little “on-edge” until they are gone. I don’t want to waste them. I don’t want them to go bad. Andrew probably wonders why I’m always pushing leftovers on him all the time… They must disappear from the fridge in a timely manner! They bother me. They haunt me until they are gone.

So, no, these ‘science projects’ people speak of? No clue.

ode to my recipe binder(s)

*Disclaimer: I wrote this post awhile ago (as in, while we were still living in the hotel) and it’s been sitting in my drafts queue just waiting for an opportunity to be published. Well, today is that day. I so desperately want to blog, and I NEED to write my Eat This column for the co-op, but life and school and the house have just all been so crazy that I can’t let myself get sucked into an hour-long blogging session. So, enjoy the fruits of my previous labor and hopefully I’ll be up for air a little more by this weekend–Emily and Dan are visiting!

This was supposed to just be a “before” and “after” shot. Except that I didn’t think to actually blog about it until it was already “after.” I mean, who cares about my recipe binder, anyway?

Well. There is a bit of a story here. OK, not really a story. And I only intended to take a picture or two, but I was getting such great shots and having so much fun (yes, recipes really DO excite me that much) that I just kept clicking away. And I hate to waste such great photography (for a dunce with an expensive camera), so here it is. I had thought about calling it “a primer on recipe organization,” but really, it’s just gratuitous pictures of my new recipe binders (basically, I went from one to two). I’ll offer a few tidbits along the way.

This is my new recipe binder. My dear friend from college, Leslie, got it for me for my birthday this year. It’s from Williams-Sonoma and it has a pineapple and my name on it. How perfect is that? I brought it with me to the hotel thinking I would move all my recipes from my old binder to it in all my “free time.” Isn’t it funny that we tend to be most productive and efficient when we have LESS time? I had months before school started to undertake this project, yet I wait until I’m a month in. Go figure.

Anyway, for the last couple years I’ve kept any recipe I loved or wanted to try (magazine clippings, transcribed recipes, etc…) in a binder in page protectors. But, time and organization got away from me little by little, until it got almost too full and pages were thrown in willy-nilly.

So, now armed with TWO binders, I decided to make one my “go-to/tried-and-true” binder to hold all the recipes I’ve actually made and we loved. The old binder became a storehouse of only those recipes still waiting to be tried. I sorted and sorted and threw things away and was ruthless. If we didn’t LOVE it, it went in the trash.

Here’s the NEW binder with our favorites:

Many of the recipes are magazine clippings (that’s my favorite way to have them–I love the color and pictures) and have my comments written on them. I like to keep like items with like. Above is a gazpacho salsa that was a huge hit at a July 4th party, as well as a tiny notepad paper with my neighbor’s salsa recipe on it. She made it with balsamic vinegar and I thought it was very unique.

I even sometimes tear out additional info/pictures if I think it will add to the binder. Above, a double-page spread on guac. LOVE guac!

We have a photocopied page on how to make pretzels from Andrew’s kindergarten class. He still uses it.

This sweet potato and scallions dish is one of Andrew’s favorites, which is stated up in the right hand corner…

I’ve typed up some recipes and added them as well. I’m not one to keep recipes on the computer; I may be uber-organized and woman of the 21st century, but I like hard copies!

The binder Leslie got me even has neat additional pages with lists of seasonal produce, measuring equivalents and blank recipe cards on which to transcribe. It even had a “journaling” section in case I wanted to write about what foods and wines I served at a particular gathering.

Below, the old binder:

It’s green and cute and I got it at Target awhile back. It was bursting at the seams; now, it’s nicely filled with “to try” recipes.

Look what I found! A 3×5 card on which I wrote a list of Andrew’s “favorites” at the time. Ina’s Chicken with 40 Garlic Cloves. BLT pasta (which I don’t make any more because I think it’s gross.) Mustard pork with pepper. Veggie chicken chili.

Here’s one I want to try for next summer–guac with fruit. Intriguing.

Lighten Up versions of mac and cheese and cheesecake. I’m always game for stuff like that! (BTW, since taking these photos, I actually tried the mac recipe on the left–TERRIBLE.)

I was hoping this dressing would be like what comes on your salad at Japanese Steakhouse places–the gingery orange dressing they have. Let’s hope so!

I found this in a Martha Stewart Living magazine in late summer this year. Zucchini bundt cake with candied zucchini pieces on top. OMG. So sad we’ve been in a hotel all summer…

And these. It was a huge spread in Food Network years ago that featured candy bar cupcakes. I had to keep them ALL. (I have yet to make them, but just in case I want to, they are there.)

Cannot wait to actually USE my recipes again!