still blue

Actually, I’m wearing blue today.  How appropriate.  Except that most of my wardrobe IS navy blue, so I guess it isn’t so coincidental…

I wish I could say things looked better in the morning.  They don’t.  Not one bit.

In fact, they look worse.  I had thought we were completely at the end of our rope a week ago, before we found the house.  We were depressed, hopeless, upset, discourages and fatigued with the house-hunt.  And then we saw ‘our house.’  Now, it feels like the bottom has dropped out from under us–not only do we have no prospects for a house; we’re faced with an ever-hastening deadline and fewer new houses on the market.  We don’t know what in the world to do.

But God isn’t in the business of giving us every little thing our hearts ‘desire.’  All He promises is His love, and all He wants is our joy.  And that thought has been going through my mind since yesterday morning, BEFORE we found out we didn’t get the house.  Go figure.

And after doing my first day of my new Beth Moore study, Living Beyond Yourself: The Fruits of the Spirit, this morning, in which it talked about Paul getting stoned and Christian martyrs all over the world, I got a little perspective.

Are we still terribly disappointed and completely unsure of what to do next?  Certainly.  But I am trying, desperately, to keep my chin up look on the bright side.  We are happy, healthy and we will be taken care of.  We will figure something out.  God WILL open a door.

And I’m trying NOT to analyze it.  It’s such a trap to fall into…  Maybe we weren’t supposed to spend that much, maybe something better (my pessimistic side says that’s doubtful) is just around the corner, maybe we have to move in with Andrew’s parents for a month and we’ll all grow spiritually and emotionally because of it and we won’t know it until five years later…  I don’t know!  And we can’t really know for sure.

All we know is that (as my wise, WISE friend Emily Wilhelm says), God has us exactly where he wants us.  (I love her.  Her words of wisdom are often just what I need to hear in times like this.)

We are so thankful for all your prayers (here’s a special shout-out to the Simones, Wilhelms, grandma and both sets of parents) and well-wishes.  We love you all so much.

In other news, I treated myself to half a blueberry bagel and cream cheese for breakfast this morning.  I LOVE blueberry bagels with plain cream cheese.  (Unfortunately, the hotel bagels leave a little to be desired, but it was something.)

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